“Aamchya lagnaala yaycha, huh!”


Nothing quite gives you a reality check the way guest lists do.

Let’s be honest here – for any wedding you’re part of, you know someone had to be excluded. Not because they weren’t important, or necessary – but because the price per plate (ppp) pretty much decides who will be part of the celebration.

We’ve checked these horrible halls that charge from 1200 ppp to very nice places that can be taken in at 350 ppp (which will be your roti, dal, sabzi, meetha menu.) The in-laws are generous enough to not want to spare a single effort, but without being silly about the expenses. We’re locking in on this, and the way things are going, it looks like even that 350 ppp wala caterer will need to be paid ~2000 ppp for a nice line-up of good food, presented in a very hatke way.

Yes, test tube mocktails. Mat poochho.

At my maayke-wala function, our guest-list is a challenge for different reasons.

Mohandas Sr (Dad) has built a house on the outskirts of Mumbai – to be fair on the outskirts of the outskirts of Mumbai – and while we’ve had our ups and downs about the way this house is being marketed as a weekend getaway, I want like really want my Mumbai function to happen here. One place where we’ve put our heart deep in, one place where my Lisa has been laid to rest, one place where I have my own room, one place Mohandas Sr. is at peace.

But to have this as the venue, I have to really, really choose whom to invite because we can’t have more than 200 people.

Yeah. Sucks. Thankfully I can only name 50 friends (in life, yes – I’m spectacularly out of touch) whom I want there, and it makes me sad because I made a rather grave mistake. I scrolled through my Facebook timeline to see how many friends I’m close enough to for this rather limited celebration, and it seems like I’ve lost touch and fallen out with more people than not. It’s painful because I know the secrets we shared, I know which phase I had with whom (I had a KKHH phase with Shri which was the worst and she still gives me shit about it but her invite is non-negotiable.) And it seems unfair that they can’t be there at this wedding thing while really it should be unfairer (made that up, totally rolls) that we aren’t still friends. For instance I’m calling 2 people from school. 2, of the 150 brilliant people in my batch, made it to my adulthood, while still being majorly sporadic. I guess that happens to everyone.

But yaar, it doesn’t hurt any less.

Then there’s all of mum’s cousins who are the best people, and I want them to be there – especially since they didn’t make it to her wedding (long story, not today.) But the first cousins, matlab the second cousins matlab unnke parents matlab that’s over 250 people anyway. The cold-hearted me can say, uhm no, tell them it’s a small function and kataao, but I hate the hurt on Aai’s face.

Dad’s list is exactly 15 people long so I’m just going to let it lie.

Brother’s list is 10 people. Yeah.

Plus Rohit’s family – can’t miss them, it’s his wedding too.

How do you say, “It’s happening but you aren’t going to be a part of it” in the nicest way to people who want to be there?

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